One Year Mark

February 23 / 24 marked one year since we lost Elizabeth Anne. I had no idea what to expect out of that day, but I knew enough to be no looking forward to it. The weekend before the 23rd, we went to the cemetery and put out flowers. It is always a different experience each time we go visit her grave. Sometimes sadness, sometimes loss, sometimes even happiness that I feel her around. Of course this could very well be the range of emotions from a momma going through all the stages of loss. Well, this time it was sort of all of the above. I completely felt her there and also was just sad she wasn't physically there. Our precious Sarah Katherine wanted to give mommy hugs and make it all better - this 3 year old always knows the exact thing I need in that moment!

Also, the beginning of February we found out my grandfather had cancer and within 2 weeks he passed away. It was so difficult seeing such a strong, independent man go through this struggle. We had a wonderful service celebrating his life and all the amazing things he was able to do, and it was so touching to see so many people there honoring him. There was even an article on the front page of his local paper talking about all he had done for the community over his 85 years. The whole grief process over Granddaddy really forced me to deal with Elizabeth Anne's anniversary early. And I also got to think about them being reuinited in heaven along with our other relatives. It was bittersweet and difficult, but I know just like God used Granddaddy in his 85 years on this earth, He also used Elizabeth Anne in her 37 weeks in my tummy. Through her we have a testimony that will speak to many, and without her that would not be possible. Plus she got to fullfill her purpose and go directly to heaven without having to deal with all the ickiness this world has for us and the sufferring so many go through on their journey to heaven. It has taken a while, and I know I'm not 100% there, but I feel like God has shown me a glimpse maybe not into the "why" but into the "where to go from here".

We had been planning a trip over that time as a long weekend to get away. Initially we had planned on a cruise with some friends of ours who were celebrating his 30th birthday. Great idea right - fun place, warm and sunny, calming, etc. Well, the Coram Vacation Effect occurred and we found out through a chance conversation with another friend that the cruise had a pregnancy policy. We immidiately looked it up to find out I was too far along in the pregnancy to go on the boat. After several phone calls and certified letters, we were able to get all of us a credit toward a future cruise to be used in the next 2 years. So at two weeks before THE date, we began looking for an alternative. David was able to find a great deal on a place just east of Jacksonville, FL on the Atlanic Ocean. It was somewhere we would not have otherwise gone, was really pretty and we had a nice, long weekend away.

After reaching this milestone, things do actually seem a little different. Maybe it's just me allowing them to be, but I am finally starting to picture life with Charlotte Anne. We are REALLY having a baby and she will REALLY be here in a few weeks. I know all that has been in my head, but I haven't allowed it to sink in until after I dealt with all of the other. I'm still skiddish and pray A LOT, but I am really getting excited and nervous about the new addition on her way.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we continue on this crazy journey that is our life. Wisdom is what I ask for more than anything because I know that covers many levels of my craziness if I could just discern the "wise" path.